


Once More With Feeling

by Practically



Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: Anal Sex, Anxiety, Body Dysphoria, Cuddling & Snuggling, Fluff, M/M, Multi, Trans Caleb Widogast, Trans Character
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-03
Updated: 2020-02-03
Packaged: 2021-02-27 21:54:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,093
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22542838
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Practically/pseuds/Practically
Summary: Caleb found himself waiting in the doorway for another moment- watching on. He could step back out, they hadn’t yet noticed him. He could back away- pace the hallway, wait until they’d finished and cleaned themselves up, and then he could join in for the sure-to-follow cuddles he’d been after in the first place. But. Still. He decided enough was enough. He was tired of not sharing this part with them, so he wouldn’t pace outside the hall, avoiding passing where the door was still cracked open, allowing his anxiety to build. He was going in. He was just- still apparently worried about the details that would entail.
Relationships: Caduceus Clay/Caleb Widogast, Caduceus Clay/Mollymauk Tealeaf, Caduceus Clay/Mollymauk Tealeaf/Caleb Widogast, Mollymauk Tealeaf/Caleb Widogast
Comments: 10
Kudos: 139





	Once More With Feeling

Caleb had come home tired and cranky. It was a long day of studies, and he’d been hunched over a low table all afternoon. Typical though the late nights were, now he was hungry and cold and stiff, and just wanted to curl up with Molly and Caduceus and sleep off his frustrations. Dunamency theory was as complex as any subject that hadn’t yet been fully deciphered, and more so as the days of hitting road blocks piled up.

Caleb and his partners lived several floors up, and he opted for the stairs to avoid small talk with the receptionists- tired as he was, talking would take even more effort. So it was with a bit of labored breathing when he walked in the front door that he first missed someone else’s heavy breathy. He was in the door way, removing his coat and shoes, and idly wondering where everyone had gotten to, when he finally heard the sounds of a creaking bed and low moans and heavy breaths. Curious, he wandered down the hall towards the bedroom, he opened the door, and saw- in the middle of his partners- uh- _geschlechtsverkehr_ \- tryst- _union_ , and. _Scheisse._ Enough was enough. Caleb was just as much in this relationship as they were, and he was going to involve himself. Right now. Immediately.

Caleb found himself waiting in the doorway for another moment- watching on. He could step back out, they hadn’t yet noticed him. He could back away- pace the hallway, wait until they’d finished and cleaned themselves up, and then he could join in for the sure-to-follow cuddles he’d been after in the first place. But. Still. He decided enough was enough. He was tired of not sharing this part with them, so he wouldn’t pace outside the hall, avoiding passing where the door was still cracked open, allowing his anxiety to build. He was going in. He was just- still apparently worried about the details that would entail. But- _gottverdammt_ \- he’d been avoiding this part since he’d gotten with them _months ago_. Whenever they got, well, together, Caleb would excuse himself; read in the living room, run errands, play with Frumpkin- hell, Molly and Cad often timed it when he was already gone- but.

But that couldn’t go on forever. One of these days Caleb was going to have to choose to join them. So, _no time like the present, Widogast_. Caleb squared his shoulders and marched straight to the bed, ignoring their startled looks, and crouched at the head of the bed, where they were mostly presentable still. They’d still been chest to chest but now all focus was on him, and they’d stopped their movement. For now- anyways.

“Caleb?” Cad was staring at him- no judgment or opinion in his eyes- just Caduceus. “Is something wrong?” Molly was still catching his breath- now that Caduceus had risen enough to address Caleb without Molly’s hairlipsclavicleneckshoulder- everything- in his way, (Christ Molly had bruises across the torso) and now propped himself up with elbows on either side of Mollymauk’s head. Molly had the remnants of tears in his eyes, just hazy, blissed out tears at the corned. Caleb eyes the purple hickies across his collarbones, the tangled jewelry around his horns, and avoids his gaze for Caduceus’.

“ _Ja._ I want to- uhm- help. Or.” His hand reached for his opposite arm, but Cad caught it in the hand closest to Cale, and he squeezed Caleb’s fingers. His eyes seems more understanding now than confused.

“What’s your colour, sunflower?”

“Was- my colour? Why- I just got here, I haven’t even done anything- I don’t have a-“

“Sunflower, Mollymauk and myself are both naked right now- mid-sex. If you want to join us, the colours apply.” Caduceus was still holding his hand but it suddenly seemed restrictive more than comforting. He forced himself not to retract his hand.

“I-uhm. I want to be, in- involved now. With you. Both of you.”

“As soon as you give me a colour, Caleb.” Caduceus let go of him, but was clearly watching him carefully as he did.

Caleb frowned. He didn’t have a colour- he had a feeling, and he was still trying to sort that one out already, he didn’t have time to be derailed- his doorway confidence hadn’t accounted for colours. He reached towards his arm again.

“Cay?” Mollymauk was tugging the sheet over themselves, trying to cover their hips without flashing him, he supposed, while Caduceus slowly shuffled back, hunching over, clearly also trying to create whatever modesty he could.

“You- hey, stop, I wanted to- To help- be involved, why are you- _was_. _I said I wanted to join._ As you were! I wasn’t asking you to stop. I- Green, Caduceus. Molly. Green. I’m green.” Caduceus was tugging his sleep pants back on and siding up against Caleb, smoothing his hands from Caleb’s shoulders, and forcing his hands to release his arms so Caduceus could complete the circuit.

“Come sit with us Caleb, just explain it slowly for me.”

“I thought you wanted a colour?”

“I want you in a proper mindset.”

“ _Scheisse_ , Caduceus.”

Caduceus guided Caleb to sit on the edge of the bed tucking Caleb under his arm once they were both seated. Molly sided up on Caleb’s other side a moment later, boxers covering his groin. Molly’s tail came to drape over Caleb’s lap, and he took one of Caleb’s hands in his. Caleb glared at the floor. “This is not the event I was building to.”

“We can do whatever event you want, as soon as you tell it to us, Cay.” Molly told him.

“I already did- and you both redressed- maybe another day we could, well I- well.”

“Sunflower, you don’t like sex.” Quick to the draw, Caduceus.

Caleb stopped short, flinching as subtly as he could into Molly’s side. “I’m not- I am not. I’ve _had_ sex.”

“Caleb.” Great, now he sounded disappointed.

“I have!”

“Cay- we’re concerned because you’ve never expressed any sexual interest in all the time we’ve been together- you don’t undress in front of us, you look away when we undress, you excuse yourself when Caddy and I get physical, even our kisses are chaste.”

“Which is fine, of course, but now your sudden interest is concerning, sunflower. Did something happen today?”

“ _Verdammt- nein._ I was just- missing you, I want to be involved, in all of it, I’m not- repulsed by sex, I just- don’t want to receive anything-“. Caleb was panicking- definitely upset and losing his footing.

“I don’t want to be touched or undressed- maybe- maybe repulsed by myself, but, well, and- and it seemed easier to avoid all of it instead of explaining I only wanted the half of it, but. But today I just. Felt ready to help out.” Caleb tried to stand, but Caducues and Mollymauk both held him back gently.

“Colours, Caleb. How do you feel about Molly and I being naked?”

“I- _grün_. Green.”

“And you undressing?”

“Red- or. Yellow.”

“Which is it?”

“I- yellow.”

Caduceus stared at him for a beat, released him. Caleb was on his feet and pacing instantly, Molly gently peeling away.

Mollymauk chimed in this time, “How do you feel about watching us have sex?”

Caleb swallowed- missed a step, started again. “I think I am fine with that. Green.”

“That sounds like a yellow, sunflower. The colours aren’t a weakness, why are you so hesitant with them now?” Caduceus was looking again, and it felt like he was staring through to his soul. It made Caleb feel fragile and exposed.

“Because the colours aren’t explaining it right!”

“What’s the right way, Caleb?” Molly asked. Caleb stopped his pacing, glared at the wall across the bed.

“I. Want to be here. When you fuck. And I want to do stuff too, help you and stuff, and be with you after”.

“But how involved, sunflower?”

“Just. Involved.”

“You don’t want to undress?”

“I can.”

“Do you want to, Caleb?”

“I’ll be fine either way”.

“But we want you to trust us with the truth- there’s no right or wrong answer, Cay, only the truth.” Molly was going to topple off the bed in leaned any closer. “Do you _want_ to be naked in front of Caduceus and I?”

Caleb could scream. But he was sure throwing a fit like a child would not fix this night- hard as it would be to derail it further. “I do.... I do not, uh, want to undress… I want to- not touch anything or anyone, and I don’t want to be touched. And I don’t want to undress. And-,”

“That’s fine, Cay”.

Caleb swallowed, suddenly he felt like crying, “and, I am sorry for ruining your night now, with this.” Caleb was still glaring at the wall, daring it to mock him, willing himself to keep his wits.

“What were you planning on doing when you came in, Cay?” He turned from the wall to look at Molly once more.

“I hadn’t planned on being mocked for one.”

Molly made a hurt noise, a teifling variety Caduceus and himself could never replicate. “ _Caleb_.”

“I know, Molly. I know, but this is going much worse than I imagined.” Caleb looked to the ceiling, begging it to cave in, maybe. “I just wanted to not have this between us anymore. I wasn’t planning it or anything- I just didn’t want to wait for you time, and its fine, I know couples do this stuff, I’m not jealous of you two do it, I’m just…. Jealous I’m not. It feels like I’m not…. Entirely involved, with it. With you.”

“You know, what if we…” Caduceous left the bedroom, and a moment later Caduceus was banging around the house, shoving an armchair down the hall. Caleb’s armchair, specifically. The dented, sunken in arm chair, that was entirely too ugly and just as comfortable. Caduceus struggled for a moment, before Caleb muttered the spell to allow it easy passage, and Caduceus smiled his thanks. Then he dragged the chair right up to the edge of the bed, bundled the unscathed, if wrinkly, duvet onto the seat, then threw the knitted one that hung off Molly’s bed post, onto the chair as well.

“What’s this then?”

“You can sit here, close by, and watch me and Molly, and in turn, we can reach out to you. If you want to touch yourself, no problem, if you want to bundle up and just watch, that’s fine too. As involved as you want, Caleb.”

Caleb wasn’t as enthused as Caduceus seemed to be, but he’d been rude enough tonight. “I see. So should I, uh-.” Caleb stepped towards the chair, went to climb into it, over the arm as it was faced against the mattress, but Caduceus took his shoulder in hand, and gently steered him to the en suite, handing over his comfiest pair of sleep pants and a t-shirt.

Caleb squirmed for a moment, took the proffered clothes, and went in. He considered leaving the binder on and forging the shirt, but he wanted to be able to do the cuddles after, and go to bed, and changing again wouldn’t help, so he changed into the new cothes and joined his partners again.

Caduceus had patiently waited outside until Caleb emerged again, only to lead him to the chair and wrap the blanket around him.

“Caleb, I’m going to undress again, and I’m going to go back to fucking Molly. I might eat them out too, after, if they’re up for it, and after, I’m going to wipe them up, and drag the two of you into bed for a nice relaxing sleep. Colour, Caleb?”

“Green, Caduceus”. Caleb whispered. He would deal with these proceedings, and come up with a better plan for the next time.

“Molly?”

Molly shot one last worried look to Caleb, but turned back to Caduceus easily enough, and their voice dropped an octave, “Very green, Caddy”.

Caduceus didn’t waste any more time, he was standing at the foot of the bed, but quickly shoved his pants down once more, and in complete confidence, stroked himself back to hardness, and then went onto the bed and crowded over Molly. Molly has re-positioned themself up against the pillows and smiled coyly to Caduceus as he approached.

Caleb was still feeling squirmy, if not particularly voyeuristic, and more like he was just watching porn, rather than actively participating and he was suddenly very annoyed. He settled back in the chair, staring at the closet, and set to ignoring them. Technically, this is what they’d agreed on, but _verdammt_ , he still wasn’t involved, and if they were going to ignore him, he would do the same.

But then, he was pulled from his thoughts, when Caduceus reached across the bed and startled Caleb but gripping one knee, as he sucked yet another bruise into Molly’s shoulder. It wasn’t like the bed was massive, and Caleb’s chair was pulled right up against it, no room to put his feet on the floor if he wanted, but he hadn’t expected to be touched at all. But Caleb had made it clear in past, as uncomfortable in his body as he might be, the parts that he shared with them were less dangerous zones of touch and attention- he still had days it made him itch, but generally, he liked cuddling and touching and physical contact, it was only the more intensive things made him wary, but he sought them out all the time when he was in mood for touching. It seemed like the fucking had already started anew, albeit slower now, but Caleb was lost his thought as he starred at the hand on his knee and ignored their nakedness, for the moment.

Caduceus stopped sucking a mark long enough to ask, “Colour?”

Caleb almost wasn’t sure who he meant, and apparently Molly didn’t either, because the two both answered “Green” within the same breath of time.

Caduceus smiled warmly, and he looked from one to the other, happily. “Good boy, Caleb.” And quieter, “Good, Molly.” It didn’t take long for Caduceus to speed things up, and Molly was starting to breath heavy again, one hand stroking themselves between their bodies.

Caleb pushed his hand between his knee and Caduceus palm, and without missing a beat, Caduceus took it, intertwining their fingers. Caleb’s other hand found his knee, and it didn’t take long for Mollymauk to see the picture and they reached out to take Caleb’s other hand.

Well then. This was suddenly a lot more interesting. Caleb avoided looking down their bodies but he was used to the kissing- even he would make out with them, when the mood struck. Suddenly, the need to kiss them both was strong and Caleb used their- admittedly slack- grips to pull himself up better. The tugging and shifting seemed to do little in distracting them, and Caleb watched as the two kissed each other.

He dropped both hands, had to tug away to free himself of them, and then he planted his hands on the bed, stood on the chair, and stepped over where Molly’s free hand had joined Caduceus’. Now ignoring the two, who stopped at the jostling, and who froze to avoid both being stepped on as well as tripping up Caleb, watched as Caleb settled himself against the headboard, trying to shuffle his lap under Mollymauk’s head. Caduceus backed up enough to give Molly the room to adjust and then they both froze, watching Caleb.

Caleb for all his part, was this far already, and he bent in half to kiss Molly. Molly got with the program quick, and the two took a moment. And then, Caleb went in search of Caduceus, who was ready and waiting for him.

“Hi, sunflower.”

Caleb ducked his head, smiling. “ _Ja_ , you may continue. Green.” He said, before Caduceus had finished opening his mouth.

“And Molly?”

“Green!”

Caduceus grinned, and gave a deep thrust into Molly. The movement shoved Molly and in turn Caleb, and yes- this was much better.

Now he could kiss, and touch as much as he wanted. He was. Involved. Caduceus’ chair idea was a nice suggestion, now that it didn’t feel like he was on time out, but it wasn’t good enough.

“Caleb, you’re sure you’re good like that?”

“ _Ja,_ this is good, Molly”.

Caduceus smiled at him, his long arm reaching out to cup one cheek, thumb and forefinger gently gripping his chin as he pulled back. Caduceus was still grinning softly when he thrust back into Mollymauk, forcing a cry from him.

The pace picked up from there. Caduceus started thrusting into Molly with vigor, and Caleb could see with more clarity now, especially when Caduceus hooked one of Molly’s legs up over his shoulder, and Molly kept on pumping their own dick in time to the thrusts.

Even Caleb could feel the effects of the moment. He wasn’t sex-repulsed. His issues lied in his machinery, to say the least. He was still uncomfortable with people seeing the proof of his old life, and even though Caduceus and Molly knew, and were supportive as anyone he’d met, he wasn’t comfortable yet exposing himself like that.

That being said… Caleb wasn’t sure he could really fit a hand under Molly’s head, especially without just thumping him over and over, but he thought, maybe, if he adjusted enough- yes. It wasn’t quite the stimulation that would lead anywhere, but Caleb managed to get the heel of his foot in place, enough to grind subtly into it. He tried to also match up with Mollymauk and Caduceus, and he could tell Cad had noticed.

He tried not to grimace at being caught- this was normal behavior in a normal situation. Once more, his hand was captured by Molly and he lost himself in finally getting to share this with the two of them.

Later, once a washcloth had been fetched, and Caleb had moved out from Molly, lying adjacent to him to stretch out his legs, and once Caduceus had shoved the armchair a few feet away, and was pulling sleep pants back on, and trying to coax Molly into underwear at least, did Caleb finally get the cuddles he’d come home for in the first place.

Caduceus and Molly boxed him, and a hand stroked across his clothed hip and ass.

“Well, darlings, that isn’t how I imagined my day going,” Molly said jovially.

Caleb couldn’t help laughing. Caduceus and Molly joined in and, yeah, Caleb belonged here.


End file.
